10 PRINT "I used to do this in Dixons": POKE 23692,255: GO TO 10 !085 lhadmA na edisni deppart m'I !pleH "... using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength." "42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!" "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates. "ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!" "Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil. Repeat, this is not a daffodil!" "And afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure." "Arsonists of the world, ignite!" "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'" "Borg. James Borg. Vodka martini, dry... olives are irrelevant." "Bother", said Pooh, as he accidentally deleted his message base. "Bother", said Pooh, as he deleted his root directory. "Bother", said Pooh, as he failed the dope test. "Bother", said Pooh, as he fell into the nitric acid bath. "Bother", said Pooh, as he kicked hell out of his modem. "Bother", said Pooh, as he received his telephone bill. "Bother", said Pooh, as he saw "Filecore in use." "Bother", said Pooh, as he saw the mushroom cloud. "Bother", said Pooh, as he scrambled his partition table. "Bother", said Pooh, as he started up Norton Utilities. "Bother", said Pooh, as he sunk his twelfth Guinness. "Bother", said Pooh, as his LAN manager went crackers. "Bother", said Pooh, as his bungie cord broke. "Bother", said Pooh, as the pin fell out of the grenade. "Bother", said Pooh, as the read/write heads flew across the room. "But I don't like Spam!!!" "But this is my sister's bike!" "Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 98?" "Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose." "Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most interesting." "DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "UTS is out to lunch!" "Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!" "Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!" "Data, I thought you were dead!" "No, sir, I rebooted." "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that car sounding rough?" "Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud." "Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT." "Excuse me, could I just distract you for a brief second?" "Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice." "Great on toast, scones and arteries." "He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils." "He's just a politician trying to save both his faces..." "He's not going to win this race but second will be the next best thing." "How are things?" "I am the housekeeper!" "I didn't think he could live down to his reputation, but he did." "I know what is around the corner. I just don't know where the corner is." "I say we nuke the site from Orbit, it's the only way to be sure." "I see!" said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw. "I think not," said Descartes, who promptly ceased to be. "I'll be back ;-)" "I'm not disappointed - just disappointed." "If I eat the body, blood & soul of Christ, doesn't that make me a cannibal?" "If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!" "If your computer is not fitted with a CD drive, insert the supplied CD..." "Intel" isn't even halfway to intelligence. "Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb. "It'll drive the conspiracy nuts crazy, but WTH." "It's - it's - it's the Bolivian Navy on manoeuvres in the South Pacific!" "Just as they are." "Kernal" is not a word. The correct spelling is "kernel". "MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that." "Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!" "Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference." "My coffee cup holder just broke." "NEW" and "IMPROVED" aren't. "NEW" or "IMPROVED" = price increase. "Oh! I thought that was a parrot!". "No, no... They turn that colour." "One of his strengths is not heading." "Open hailing frequencies Mr Worf." "Normal or freak weather, sir?" "Pieces of 7a! Pieces of 7a!" "Pieces of nine! Pieces of nine!" ...sorry, parroty error... "Reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated." "Sausages! Get your sausages inna bun! Genuine pig parts!" "Shhh! The Christians think they are up here alone." - God "Smeg... I forgot to ask if there were any curry houses in Dallas..." "Split-p soup?" "Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas." "That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong." "That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all." "That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved." "That's user, u s r, and then there's a space..." "The laws of time and space? Who gives a smeg!" "The name's Borg, James Borg. Prepare to be assimilated, Miss Moneypenny." "The ref was vertically 15 yards away." "The tide is very much in our court now." "The universe is a spheroid region 704m in diameter." "There goes Bill!" "There's no such thing as gravity - the earth sucks." "There's nothing you can do that can't be done." - John Lennon. "This is God speaking. Can I insure against an Act of Man?" "To be, or not to be." - Hamlet "Do-bee-do-bee-do." - Sinatra "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more!" "Very Bad Idea" is quite possibly a registered trademark of Microsoft... "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from. "We came. We assimilated. We left." "Well done, and you have been." "Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat!" "What is wrong with that demented Tonka toy now?" "What's a network?" - Bill Gates being shown around Acorn in the early 80s. "What? This isn't the Files section?" "When did you become aware you had a puncture?" "When the tyre went down..." "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. "Why stop now, just when I'm hating it?" "With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go." "You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw." "You mean I can send mail to myself?" "You mean you can't take less; it's very easy to take more than nothing." "You mean, er, the grassy knoll, sir." "reproduces if added to its quotation" reproduces if added to its quotation. # @(#)/usr/games/lib/fortunes 1.7 10/21/86 16:08:28 - Amdahl/UTS $ egrep -n '^[a-z].*\\(' $@ | sort -t':' +2.0 $ is the root of all directories. $ ping elvis $ rm -rf ~ $ tagline 'Daddy, what does Format C: mean?' 'E's an 'alibut. 'Has eighteen letters' does. 'In closing' is always followed by the other half of the speech. 'Scuse me a moment... have to recharge my flame-thrower... 'Tis but a flesh wound. ((((((((HYPNOTIC))))))))((((((TAGLINE)))))) (((((YOU)))))((((ARE))))((((((FEELING))))))(((((SLEEPY))))) (A)bort (F)ail (C)reate a holographic image in plasma memory? (A)bort, (R)etry, or (I)nfluence with hammer. (C)ontrol (A)lt (B)ye (Ice rocks hit the hull) "Captain, we are being hailed." (This tagline deleted due to painfully extreme insipidity.) (beep) Help, I've fallen and can't reach the beer. * Unix is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories. *Never* give a screwdriver to a programmer. +++ MELON MELON MELON +++ +++ Out of Cheese Error +++ +++ Redo from Start +++ ++?????++ Out of Cheese Error. Redo from Start. +2A does not support format, 0:1 ---- This space for hire ---- ----> If you cut here, you'll ruin your monitor. <---- --T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E-- ... This tagline repeats... This tagline repeats... This tagline repeats... ..and the great tagline hunter crouches silently, text editor at the ready.. /usr/news/gotcha 007 of Borg: Licence to Assimilate. 10 PRINT "Waiter, There's a bug in my LOOP": GOTO 10 10 REPEAT PRINT "Hello world!":UNTIL FALSE 10 WHILE TRUE:PRINT "Hello world!":ENDWHILE 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0. 10000 ants, disguised as rice, robbed a Chinese restaurant. 186,000 miles per second - it's not just a good idea, it's the law! 1987: Acorn releases the world's first 32-bit RISC-computer :-p Apple! 23. ... r-q1 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Hmm... 2400 baud makes you want to get out and push! 2B or not 2B - that is FF. 3000000 km/sec - it's not just a good idea, it's the law! 4 Out of memory, 0:1 4 food groups: fast, frozen, microwaved, and junk. 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions. 66MHz isn't fast enough (if using Windows)! 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 90% of everything is crud. : is not an identifier :.::: ::..: ::.::. :..:: Tagline in Braille to read the next message A Borg doctor: "Assimilation cures all ills." A Smith & Wesson beats four aces. A bachelor is a man who is footloose and fiancee free. A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed. A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure. A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity. A clean and tidy desk is a sign of a *very* sick mind. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind. A clean disk is a sign of a warped drive. A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a very sick mind. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no feet. A committee has six or more legs and no brain. A company is known by the men it keeps. A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run. A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget the whole thing." A dead man cannot bite. A disk only becomes corrupted when you've just saved your latest masterpiece. A fair exterior is a silent recommendation. A feature is a bug with seniority. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. A gift of flour will soon be made to you. A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet. A good memory does not equal pale ink. A good reputation is more valuable than money. A half moon is better than no moon at all. A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never. A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold. A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity. A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. A king's castle is his home. A kingdom! A kingdom! My horse for a kingdom! A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life. A liberal is too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist. A lie in time saves nine. A lie that can be passed off as truth becomes truth. A light wife doth make a heavy husband. A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. A mad Oglaroonian is out of its tree. A man forgives only when he is in the wrong. A man paints with his brains and not with his hands. A man who turns green has eschewed protein. A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two is never sure. A man with three buttocks. A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package. A masochist is anybody who does anything in COBOL. A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts. A noble choice, but first... A package posted second class arrives earlier than it would first class. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants. A penny saved is ridiculous. A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. A plucked goose does not lay golden eggs. A poetic Borg: "You will compose assimiliated rhythms and rhymes." A pound of puppies; a college of cardinals; a bowl of weevils. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. A program has two uses: one which was intended, and another which wasn't. A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well. A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes. A relationship is like a shark. It has to keep moving forward or it dies. A rolling stone gathers no moss. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A shortcut is the longest path between two points. A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk. A single fact can spoil a good argument. A snake lurks in the grass. A soft drink turneth away company. A stitch in time saves nine. A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly. A theory is better than its explanation. A theory is no good until it has been proven wrong. A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. A tidy desk is a sign of a sick mind. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper on which it's written. A violent man will die a violent death. A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work. A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work. A vivid and creative mind characterises you. A watched modem never downloads. A well-known friend is a treasure. A wise man once said... I don't know... A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion. A wok is what you thwow at a wabbit. A word to the wise is enough. A writer must not shift your point of view. A)bort R)etry G)et a stick and kill it. ASCII and ye shall receive. ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI! ASCII: Another System Crash Is Imminent About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard. About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog. Above all things, revere yourself. Abstain from beans. Academy: A modern school where football is taught. Actors will happen in the best-regulated families. Adding manpower to a late software project only makes it later. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. Advancement in position. Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it. After a certain point, the correction of one bug creates two more. After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn. After purchasing an item, you will find it available for less elsewhere. After purchasing an item, you will find it on sale next week. After things have gone from bad to worse, they will do so again. After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend! Ahah! Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu. Albatross! Aleph sub alpha is the alpha'th aleph. Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth. All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance. All a-Borg! All art is but imitation of nature. All art is quite useless. All diagnostics are fatal. All great discoveries are made by accident. All great discoveries are made by mistake. All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time. All hope abandon, ye who enter here. All in all it's just another brick in the wall... All is well that ends well. All laws are basically false. All machines are amplifiers. All men know the utility of useful things, but not the utility of futility. All modifications seem trivial to the user. All of your troubles will pass away very quickly. All taglines are currently busy. Please try again later. All tends towards chaos. All that glitters has a high refractive index. All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration. Altair: n. A place where computers are sacrificed. Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Always cut the cards. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Always draw your curves first, then plot your data. Always pick on the correct idiom. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Always remember to pillage *before* you burn. Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits. Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy. Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it. An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways. An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. An elephant is a mouse built to Government specifications. An honest God is the noblest work of man. An honest tale speeds best being plainly told. An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. An idle mind is worth two in the bush. An object at rest can never be stopped. An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. An ulcer is what you get when mountain climbing over molehills. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Anarchist health warning: Government may seriously restrict your freedom. Anchovies? You've got the wrong man! I spell my name DANGER! Ancient Chinese curse: May all your wishes be granted. Ancient Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times. Ancient Greeks made dolphin-killing punishable by death. And God said, "Let there be Windoze." And He rested on that day. And I alone am returned to wag the tail. And I thought that the Borg were bad... And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. And here's another clue for you all: The walrus was Paul. And now for something completely different. And now, excuse me while I interrupt myself. And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut. And they're off! And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. And verily he said unto them, thou shalt be assimilated. Another nearly-full box of Smarties! Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone. Answers on a postcard please to 10 Downing Street, London SW1. Answers: £1, Short: £5, Correct: £25, dumb looks are still free. Antelope freeway - 1/4 mile. Antidisestablishmentarianism. Any Microsoft product is indistinguishable from hardware failure. Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. Any excuse will serve a tyrant. Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it. Any given program costs more and takes longer. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. Any order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood. Any program which is stable is obsolete. Any shrine is better than self-worship. Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Any sufficiently complex program is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable. Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday. Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced. Any wire cut to the specified length will be too short. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides! Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it for long enough. Anything is possible, unless it's not. Anything not nailed down is a cat's toy. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Appearances often are deceiving. Apple I (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. Apple: "I know! Let's call it the Raincoat." Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts? Are we not men? Are we off-topic yet? Are you a turtle? Are you addicted to taglines? Call Tagliners Anonymous *now*! Are you prepared to defend yourself? Are you using a Wintel box? Defenestrate it immediately! Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Artificial intelligence is the other person's opinion. As I've already said, I do NOT repeat myself. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716... As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote. As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code. As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay. Asimov of Borg: The Three Laws Of Assimilation. Assumption is the mother of all screwups... At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Auribus teneo lupum. (I hold a wolf by the ears.) Authority tends to assign tasks to those least able to do them. Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many. Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable. Avoid cliches like the plague. Avoid colloquial stuff. Avoid commas, that are not necessary. Avoid reality at all costs. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. Avoid temporary variables. Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. Avoid unnecessary branches. BASIC is to computer programming as "qwerty" is to typing. BASIC isn't; C stands for Confusing... BNFL: Buy No Fish Locally BS (bee ess): n. An uninformed statement. Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad command or file name. Go and stand in the corner. Bad news travels faster than light. Badness comes in waves. Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare. Barman, pour me a Molotov cocktail. Barney of Borg: "I assimilate you; you assimilate me..." Barney of Borg: "Today we learned that resistance is futile." Be alert. The world needs more lerts. Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds. Be braver. You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps. Be careful for what you wish - you might get it. Be careful for what you wish; it might come true. Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom. Be careful! Is it classified? Be careful. The last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease. Be cautious in your daily affairs. Be cheerful while you are alive. Be happy with the real pleasures in life. Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any. Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue. Be nice to your enemies; it drives them nuts. Be security conscious. National defence is at stake. Be seeing you. Be self-reliant and your success is assured. Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality. Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up, Scotty, This planet sucks! Beam me up, Scotty, but leave the others here. Beauty and harmony are as unnecessary to you as the very breath of life. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. Beauty seldom recommends one to another. Because the wine remembers. Become a programmer and never see the world. Bedfellows make strange politicians. Been transferred lately? Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. Beggars should be no choosers. Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse. Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. Behind your back, your colleagues are talking about Jekyll and Hyde. Being natural is simply a pose. Better late than never. Better living a beggar than buried an emperor. Better to send ten ambulances when they are not needed than one when it is. Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment. Between two evils, always pick the one which you've never tried before. Beware a Borg-again Christian. Resistance to their evangelism is futile. Beware of Bigfoot! Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs. Beware of Geeks bearing grifts. Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie. Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose. Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. Beware of friends who are false and deceitful. Beware of geeks bearing graft. Beware of low flying butterflies. Beware of quantum ducks. Quark! Quark! Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question. Beware the legless man who teaches running. Beware the new TTY code! Beware the thirty-first of November. Big book, big bore. Biggest security gap - an open mouth. Biography: One of the terrors of death. Bjorn of Borg: "Tennis is irrelevant." Black holes are where God divided by zero. Blackberries are red when they are green. Blah. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the earth. Blessed are the pessimists for they have made backups. Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the National Debt. Bluegrass is not just a weed. Boldly going forward because we can't find 'reverse'! Boldly going where no modem has gone before... Borg Gates: Assimilation is the new industry standard. Borg IDIC: Incalculable Devastation for Infinite Cubes. Borg bumper sticker: "I'd rather be assimilating." Borg bumper sticker: "We Brake To Assimilate." Borg bumper sticker: "We Brake for Technology." Borg electronics engineer: "Resistors are futile." Borg film: The Collective Strikes Back. Borg mailreader: Tagline theft is futile. Borg mailreader: Taglines are irrelevant. Borg mailreader: Your tagline will be assimilated. Borg moderator: Your topic is irrelevant. Borg song: "We all sleep in a single subroutine." Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER Borga-Cola. Not the choice of The Next Generation. Borger King: "We do it our way! Your way is irrelevant!" Borgish Telecom: "It's good to be assimilated." Borgs Bunny: "'What's up' is irrelevant, Doc." Borgy Pig: "Th..th..th..that's irrelevant folks!" Boycott Clockwork Peach. Brain failure (cortex dumped) Brain: apparatus used to think we think. Break up a relationship. Buy a computer. Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not try this in your own home. Brought to you by the Mother of all Messages. Buffalo is not just the name of an animal. Bugs do not exist. Programs merely have undocumented features. Build a system even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. Bus error (core dumped) Business will be either better or worse. - Calvin Coolidge But Captain - the engines can't take this much longer! But I don't like Spam! But it's nailed to the perch! But you shall not escape my iambics. Butler of Borg: "Frankly my dear, you will be assimilated." Buy a Pentium Pro so that you can reboot faster. Buy low, sell high. Buy! Amdahl Stock to go up 100 points next week. By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart. By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death. By the yard, life is hard. By the inch, it's a cinch. C Nonsense in BASIC, 0:1 C program run, C program crash, C programmer cry. CAD: Can't Anybody Draw? CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh.. CD-ROM: Compatible? Doesn't Run On Mine CERN: Could Eventually Reveal Nothing COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance. COKE IS WOOD! Californians are not without their faults. Can I blame my spelling on Line Noise? Can I stop typing in taglines now please? Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce? Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes; work never begun. Can you read a punched card by looking at the holes? Can you whistle 300 baud? Can you whistle a telephone number? Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! Cannot copy to/from tape, 0:1 Cannot fork - try again. Captain Barney's last words: "Don't worry, the Borg are friendly." Captain's Log, star date 12:34.5. Captain, permission to hook up blender attachments to Mr Spock. Captain, the UARTs won't take this speed! Carpe Diem. Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health. Caution: contains foot-consuming device. Celebrate Hannibal Day today. Take an elephant to lunch. Celeron: Could Everyone Leave Expendable Resources Out Now? Censorship is something ####### #### I do ### like! Centre meeting at 4pm in 2C-543. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. Change your thoughts and you change your world. Charity begins at home. Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question. Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap. Check again to make sure it's not loaded. Chekov: "Guess who's coming to dinner." Chicken Little was right. Childhood is the place where nobody dies. Nobody that matters, that is. Children have more need of models than of critics. Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. Clairvoyant meeting cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. Classified material requires proper storage. Cleanliness is next to impossible. Click... click... click... darn, out of taglines! Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. Clones are people two. Closing on ship target. Music on! Fire away! Coastal access, next left. Code and comments can never agree. Coffee is nothing without 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. Cogito ergo cogito. Colourless green ideas sleep furiously. Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. Complaints? Write them here, legibly: [] Complete and utter lie: "This'll only take five minutes." Complete and utter lie: "You'll never fill all of that memory." Complete and utter lie: "You'll never use all of that disk space." Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more so. Computers can never replace human stupidity. Concentrate on security. Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation. Confucius say: Duck who fly upside down, quack up. Confucius say: He who post in HTML, get flamed. Confucius say: He who post large binary, get flamed. Confucius say: He who post small binary, get singed. Confucius say: He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks. Confucius say: I have no time for monks resisting the carnival. Confucius say: Large mouth, big foot. Confucius say: Many pages make thick book. Confucius say: Never eat yellow snow. Confusion is always increasing in society. Confusticate and bebother these dwarves! Congratulations! The pressure will stop soon. Congratulations! You are the 16,777,216th user to login to our system. Congratulations! You are the one millionth user to log into our system. Congratulations! You got the first tagline! Congratulations! You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time. Congress: n. Opposite of Progress. Consider your reputation. Try changing your name and moving to a new town. Constant change is here to stay. Constants aren't; variables won't. Contact your dead calculators through an electronic medium. Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. Continental Life. Why do you ask? Convention is the ruler of all. Convictions cause convicts. Cookie pieces contain no calories. Breakage leaks calories. Copywight 1999 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Corruption empowers, and absolute corruption empowers absolutely. Counting in binary is like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs. Counting in octal is like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs. Courage is grace under pressure. Courage is your greatest present need. Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE! Create the impression that you've already reached your level of incompetence. Create your own opportunity. Blackmail a senior executive. Creditors have much better memories than debtors. Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship. Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt? Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why. Cure the disease and kill the patient. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back. Curiosity may have killed Schrödinger's cat. Cwm fjord-bank glyphs vext quiz. DANGER! DANGER! Computer Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. DO NOT BEND, FOLD, STAPLE, OR IN ANY WAY MUTILATE THIS TAGLINE. DOS Tip no. 3: Don't use DOS. DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1. DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. Daddy, what does "Formatting drive C:" mean? Daffy Duck of Borg: "Yoooouuuuu'rreee irrelevant!" Daleks of Borg: "ASSIMILATE! ASSIM-I-LATE!" Damn it Bones, I'm a captain, not a doctor! Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor not a doctor! Hey, wait a minute... Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer. Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline. Damn this hobby is expensive! Data, data everywhere, and not a byte to eat! Dawn already? Doesn't time fly when you're programming... Daylight and programmers don't mix. De-accession euphemisms. Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'. Death is proven to be 99.9% fatal to all laboratory rats. Decaffeinated coffee, fat-free milk... what next, dehydrated water? Decisions terminate panic. Deflector shields just came on, Captain. Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow. Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one. Department meeting in 3 minutes. Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. Descartes of Borg: "I assimilate, therefore I am." Dessert? I'll have a piece of cherry pi. Diagnostics can best be understood in the context of the source code. Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Did you know that nobody ever reads these things? Digital circuits are made from analogue parts. Direct action produces direct reaction. Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists. Discoveries are made by not following instructions. Disease can be cured; fate is incurable. Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home. Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. Disk crisis, please clean up! Disneyland: n. A people trap operated by a mouse. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Do like all smart motorists. Choose Crelm toothpaste! Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once. Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue. Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted. Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say. Do not believe in miracles; rely on them. Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses. Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. Do not drink coffee in the morning for it will keep you awake until noon. Do not learn the tricks of the trade - learn the trade. Do not lend money to a fiend. Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them. Do not put statements in the negative form. Do not read this tagline under penalty of law. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a)) Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. Do not speak about Time until you have spoken to him. Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive. Do not tell big lies. Small ones can be just as effective. Do not underestimate the power of the Force. Do unto others just *before* they do unto you! Do you have a job? Do you have lysdexia? Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means? Do you want to see my disk collection? Do you want to see my tagline collection? Do you want your figgin toasted? Doc, note, I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod. Documentation is for people who can't read. Does Windows 3.1 come with a hard drive? Does history record any case where a majority was right? Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Does your computer talk to you? Doing gets it done. Doing my part to preserve order in the universe. Domestic happiness and faithful friends. Don't I know you? Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. Don't believe in astrology. We Scorpios aren't taken in by such things. Don't blame me! I just test the thing! Don't byte off more than you can view. Don't comment bad code. Rewrite it. Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality. Don't crush that dwarf; hand me the pliers. Don't diddle code to make it faster - find a better algorithm. Don't dispute death unless you've lived through it. Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back. Don't everyone thank me at once. Don't feed the bats tonight. Don't force it, use a bigger hammer. Don't gamble with security. Don't get stuck in a wardrobe - wear yourself out. Don't give up, I'm proud of who you are. Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while. Don't guess - check your security regulations. Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts. Don't let your superiors know you're superior to them. Don't like these taglines? Steal your own... Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you. Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder. Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!! Don't patch bad code; rewrite it. Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted. Don't read everything you believe. Don't shoot the pianist. Don't stop at one bug. Don't stop now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key. Don't sweat it, it's only ones and zeros. Don't take life so seriously. It won't last. Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Don't use contractions in formal writing. Don't use no double negatives. Don't vote - it only encourages them! Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac - you can always take something for it. Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo... Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job. Double! Down with ignorance! Draw on your fine command of language and say nothing. Draw your salary before spending it. Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. Drilling for oil is boring. Drip ... ... ... drip ... ... ... drip ... ... ... drip ... ... ... drip ... Drive C: error. (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream Drive defensively; buy a tank. Drop that pickle! Drop your carrier - we have you surrounded. Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. Duty is what one expects from others. Déjà Borg. The feeling that you have read that Borg tagline before. Each of us bears his own Hell. Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem. Eagles soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jets. Earth first! We'll strip-mine the other planets later. Earthquakes are Earth's way of saying "WAKE UP!" Eckie eckie phatang zooboing! Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. Economy makes men independent. Editing is a rewording activity. Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor. Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine. Either it's stationary or it's on the move. Elliptic paraboloids for sale. Eloquence is logic on fire. Enough research will tend to support your theory. Ensign Ro: "These things on my nose aren't just for show." Enter your personal identification number. Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors. Ernest BORGnine... you be the judge... Errare umanum est. Error - [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ake like it's working... Error 216: Tagline out of paper Eschew dialect, irregardless. Eschew obfuscation. Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology. Eureka! Even a blind pig stumbles across an acorn now and again. Even a cabbage may look at a king. Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me. Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat. Even if you're not, be brave; nobody can tell the difference. Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess. Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even water tastes bad when taken on doctor's orders. Eventually, every frog has to croak. Eventually, land east of San Andreas fault will fall into the Atlantic. Ever help the person behind the counter with their terminal/computer? Ever shoot an elephant in your pyjamas? Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every cloud engenders not a storm. Every instructor assumes you have nothing to do but study for his course. Every little byte helps. Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. Every man has his price. Every price has its man. Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse. Every purchase has its price. Every silver lining has its cloud... Every solution creates new problems. Every why hath a wherefore. Everybody has a scheme that will not work. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. Everybody ought to have a clue. Everybody should believe in something... I believe I'll have another drink. Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment. Everyone has a scheme that will not work. Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile. Everyone is enthusiastic about your work. Everyone ought to have a brain. Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake. Everything bows to success, even grammar. Everything depends. Nothing is always. Everything is sometimes. Everything goes wrong at once. Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. Everything should be transparent to the user. Everything takes longer than you think it will. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong, unless you're using a debugger. Everything you know is wrong! Everything's coming up roses. Evil Grin no. 13: <<<<>>>> Exaggeration is hundreds of billions of times worse than understatement. Exam is a four-letter word for torture... Excreto ergo sum. Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower. Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. Exercise caution in your daily affairs. Expansion means complexity, and complexity decays. Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favour of you. Expenditure rises to meet income. Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined. Experience is directly proportional to the number of files lost. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Experience is the name which we give to our mistakes. Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. Experience is what enables us to make a new mistake each time. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way. Express an opinion, but send advice by freight. External Security: Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly. Extreme good-naturedness borders on weakness of character. Avoid it. Eye user spare ling chequer sew be wear! Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital. Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall. Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door. Falling is fine. It's the hitting the ground that I don't like. Familiarity breeds attempt. Fancy gizmos don't work. Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth. Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon? Fasten your seat belt. Fatal error in Reality (invalid parameter '-utopia') Fatal internal error in Breakfast: cereal port not responding Fax is stranger than fiction. Fax me no questions, I'll fax you no lies! Feet smell? Nose run? Hey, you're upside down! Fidelity: n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. File not found. I'll load something that *I* think is interesting. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Filecore in use Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum. First we shoot all the lawyers, second we strangle them, third... Flee at once, all is discovered. Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it. For adult education, nothing beats children. For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube. For courage mounteth with occasion. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. For every bug fixed, there is a bigger bug not yet discovered. For every message there's a tagline that's simple, neat and wrong. For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. For fools rush in where angels fear to tread. For people who like that kind of book, that's the kind of book they'll like. For sale: one complete set of hen's teeth. For sale: one soul. One owner, hardly used. Will take eternal life ono. For thee the wonder working earth puts forth sweet flowers. For your penance, say five Hail Clives! Force has no place where there is need of skill. Forget the people. There are valuable computers at stake. Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop. Four mats see colon. Four sail: won spare ling chequer. Free the Formula 3. Free the Indianapolis 500. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance. From this time forward, you will service... us. From uucp Mon Dec 3 21:05:46 1979 Fudd of Borg: "Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm assimiwating." Fudd's First Law: If you push something hard enough, it will fall over. Function reject. Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening. Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs. G No room for line, 0:1 Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art. General network error - hit any user to continue. Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. Genius is the talent of a man who is dead. Get out the Crisco. Get your grubby hands off my tagline! I stole it first! Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers. Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway. Give him an evasive answer. Give me a fish and I will eat today. Teach me to fish and I will eat forever. Give me all your lupins! Give up. Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. Given my druthers, I'd druther not. Given some help, things tend to go from bad to worse *much* faster. Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Go away, kid. You bother me. Go away. Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon. God made the world in six days, and spent the seventh debugging. Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the universal amphitheater. Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions. Good news crawls along. Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day. Got virtual memory? Make yourself a *really big* RAM disk! Government agencies, spies, and secret services... you know where we live! Government corruption is always reported in the past tense. Govt investigations contribute more to amusement than knowledge. Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional! Hackers of the world, unite! Hailing frequencies open Mr. Worf. "Hi, this is Steve Wright on 1 FM." Hailing frequencies open, Captain. Half-baked opinions are home-made. Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others. Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. Happiness is a twit filter. Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion. Happy feast of the pig. Hard disk space is like desk space - there's always something to fill it up. Hard work never killed anyone but why take a risk? Hardware: what you kick. Software: what you'd *like* to kick. Harp not on that string. Haste maketh waste. Have *you* exported a crypto system today? Have no friends not equal to yourself. Have you ever received a fax or a photocopy of a floppy? Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key? ... Was it the power switch? Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?... Did it answer? Have you locked your file cabinet? Have you seen Quasimodo? I had a hunch that he was back. Having nothing, nothing can he lose. Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods. He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him. He hath eaten me out of house and home. He is always right who suspects that he makes mistakes. He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words. He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered. He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold. He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs. He who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary. He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors. He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over. He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet. He who hates vices hates mankind. He who hesitates is sometimes saved. He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day. He who is giddy thinks that the world turns round. He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know. He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. He who laughs, lasts. He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands. He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes. He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel. He who reads many taglines gets confused. He who slings mud loses ground. He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT. He who wins writes the history books. He who would govern others, first should be the master of himself. He's a potato, Jim! Let's gouge out all of his eyes. He's a wild man. Get out of here. He's alive, Jim. Should I shoot him again? He's dead Jim. You get his tricorder, I'll get his wallet. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim... kick him if you don't believe me. He's got a magnet! Everybody BACKUP! He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. He's your god. They're your rules. *You* burn in hell. Hell's broken loose. Hello! I'm Bounder of Adventure! Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe. Help! I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 470! Help! I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 580! Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason. Here, take this tagline. You're free to distribute it. Hey! Your trackerball is upside-down! Hey, don't ask me, I'm just an anthropomorphic personification. Hi! I'm a tagline virus! Steal me & join in the fun! Hindsight is an exact science. Hire teenagers while they still know everything. Hire the morally handicapped. Hiroshima '45, Chernobyl '86, Windows '98. His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler. History books which contain no lies are extremely dull. History is bunk. History repeats itself; historians repeat each other. Hold on - wait, maybe the answer's looking for you. Home is where you hang your @. Honesty's the best policy. Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper. Hope is a waking dream. Hors d'oeuvres: n. A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people. Houdini escaping from New Jersey! Housework can kill you if done right. How about a little fire, scarecrow? How apt the poor are to be proud. How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese? How can you work when the system's so crowded? How come all the buttons keep flying off my shirt? How come we never talk any more? How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? How do frogs die? They ker-mit suicide... How do you keep a turkey in suspense? How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ... All of them. How many weeks are there in a light year? How much for the rocket launcher? ...does this include ammo? How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven? How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent. How untasteful can you get? How was Thomas J. Watson buried? ... 9 edge down. How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. How you look depends on where you go. How's this for diplomacy? Shoot them all! - Kirk Hugh of Borg: "Resistance is futile. I will assimilate you." Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens. I am Barney of Borg. Prepare to be nauseated. I am Batman of Borg. You will be assimilated, foul fiend. I am Beldar of Borg. We will assimilate mass quantities. I am Bjorn of Borg. Wimbledon is irrelevant. I am Blofeld of Borg. You will be assimilated, Mr. Bond. I am Cat of Borg. We will assimilate your shiny things. I am Copycat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated. I am Cyrano Jones of Borg. Want to buy a Borg tribble? I am Descartes of Borg. I assimilate, therefore I am. I am E.T. of Borg. Home is irrelevant. I am Eliza of Borg. How does assimilation make you feel? I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Pwepawe to be assimiwated. I am Flintstone of Borg. You will be yabbadabbassimilated. I am Hamlet of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be... I am Heisenberg of Borg. You might be assimilated. I am Janeway of Borg. Crying is futile; you will never make it home. I am Jesus of Borg. Blessed are they who are assimilated. I am Khan of Borg. From hell's heart I assimilate thee... I am Kira of Borg. Wanna make something of it? I am Kirk of Borg. You! Will! Be! Assimilated! I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal. I am Lister of Borg. Your vindaloo sauce and raw onions will be assimilated. I am Locutus of Borg. Earl Grey for ten thousand. I am Locutus of Borg. This tagline is irrelevant. I am Locutus... of Borg. Resistance is futile. I am Marvin of Borg. Guess which weapon I assimilated... I am McCoy of Borg. You will damn well be assimilated. I am Moderator of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will obey. I am Murphy of Borg. Anything that can be assimilated will be. I am Neelix of Borg. Your assimilation will boost the Collective's morale. I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated. I am Porky of Borg. You will be assim...bdeh...assim... I am Quark of Borg. Your gold-pressed latinum will be assimilated. I am Schrödinger of Borg. I cannot observe whether you have been assimilated. I am Scott of Borg. Resistance dinna matter. I am Spock of Borg. Resistance is illogical. I am Tagline of Borg. Go ahead - assimilate me! I am Terminator of Borg. Hasta Lassimilation, baby! I am Wesley of Borg. Even THEY don't like me! I am Yoda of Borg. Assimilated will you be ... hmm? I am Zarniwoop of Borg. I've been waiting 900 years to assimilate you... I am a man - nothing human is alien to me. I am looking for an honest man. I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work. I am not a crook. I am not afraid of the dark. I have a flamethrower to light the way. I am not young enough to know everything. I am what I am and that's all that I am. I am. Therefore, I think. I think. I appreciate your not smoking while I breathe. I believe that I will take this opportunity to remove my ears. I belong to no organised party. I am a Democrat. I call my computer Hole in the Desk I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother. I can /spell/, I just can't /type/ worth a hoot! I can relate to that. I can walk on water, and stagger on alcohol. I can't believe that my computer's on fire. I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. I can't reach the brakes on this piano! I could be arguing in my spare time. I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise. I did it. I killed them all. I didn't know that it was impossible when I did it. I do desire we may be better strangers. I don't believe in the electoral process. I don't get no respect. I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, all the ways about here belong to ME. I don't know what your opinions are, so don't go asking me. I don't steal taglines. I just replicate them. I don't suffer from insanity: I enjoy every minute of it. I don't understand you any more. I don't want to grow up. I won't grow up. You can't make me. I dote on his very absence. I entered this message just to use this tagline. I fear explanations explanatory of things explained. I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble. I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. I had a life once. Now, I have a computer. I hate making predictions; especially about the future! I have 240 airconditioning in my car; 2 windows down at 40mph. I have an effective procedure; it's just that it seems to have no effect. I have an inferiority complex, but it isn't a very good one. I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. I have no time for monks resisting the carnival. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. I have one illusion, and that's that I have no illusions. I have rights; others have responsibilities. I have to stop now; my fingers are getting hoarse! I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere! I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. I idiot-proof my programs, but then along comes a bigger idiot. I imagine that the conditions outside today are totally unimaginable. I just got lost in thought; it was unfamiliar territory. I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down. I know a good tagline when I steal one. I know on which side my bread is buttered. I know so little, but I know it fluently... I like Boolean logic. NOT! I like it better in the dark. I like work. I can sit and watch it for hours. I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love treason but hate a traitor. I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me. I must ask you to tell me if you don't get this message. I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts. I need all of your money. I never did it that way before. I operate at right angles to reality. I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's... I saw what you did and I know who you are. I see your troll and raise you one flame. I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the Wookiee win. I tell them that there are no problems, only solutions... I think I'll procrastinate now. Nah, I'll leave it until tomorrow... I think that we're all bozos on this bus. I think that we're in trouble. I think therefore I create bugs. I think, therefore I am paid. I think, therefore I am. I think. I tried snorting coke... and almost drowned. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. I want everything; do you have it? I want to hear the sound of two bricks being bashed together. I was an atheist until I realised that I was God. I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off... I will make you shorter by the head. I will never lie to me. I will never make any predictions. I will not forget me. I willingly lay down my life in a futile gesture. I wish that you humans would leave me alone. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'll get. I would if I could but I can't but I might if I find that I can later. I would like a shrubbery. If you do not send one, I shall say 'Ni!' to you. I would sooner be notorious than unknown. I wouldn't shoot him if I were you. It will just make him mad. I wrote my own benchmark. My machine now runs at 500MHz. I'd like to be apathetic, but I just can't be bothered... I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. I'd like to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out. I'd like to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it. I'd like to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone. I'd like to, but I have some really hard words to look up in the dictionary. I'd like to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters. I'd like to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda. I'd like to, but I have to check the 'best before' dates. I'd like to, but I have to fulfil my potential. I'd like to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering. I'd like to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted. I'd like to, but I have to jog my memory. I'd like to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar. I'd like to, but I have to rotate my crops. I'd like to, but I have to stay at home and see if I snore. I'd like to, but I have to study for a blood test. I'd like to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner. I'd like to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair. I'd like to, but I have too much guilt. I'd like to, but I left my body in my other clothes. I'd like to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist. I'd like to, but I never go out on days that end in 'y'. I'd like to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. I'd like to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps. I'd like to, but I want to spend more time with my blender. I'd like to, but I'll be looking for a parking space. I'd like to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer. I'd like to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door. I'd like to, but I'm being deported. I'd like to, but I'm building a pig from a kit. I'd like to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. I'd like to, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for clingfilm. I'd like to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy. I'd like to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled. I'd like to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a local shop. I'd like to, but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise. I'd like to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal. I'd like to, but I'm going to be old someday. I'd like to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush. I'd like to, but I'm in training to be a household pest. I'd like to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week. I'd like to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves. I'd like to, but I'm sandblasting my oven. I'd like to, but I'm staying at home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture. I'd like to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel. I'd like to, but I'm too young for that stuff. I'd like to, but I'm touring China with a wok band. I'd like to, but I'm trying to be less popular. I'd like to, but I'm trying to cut down. I'd like to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes. I'd like to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others. I'd like to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup. I'd like to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner. I'd like to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold. I'd like to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. I'd like to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. I'd like to, but having fun gives me prickly heat. I'd like to, but it's my parakeet's bowling night. I'd like to, but it's too close to the turn of the century. I'd like to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then. I'd like to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting. I'd like to, but my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night. I'd like to, but my crayons all melted together. I'd like to, but my favourite advert is on TV. I'd like to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it. I'd like to, but my palm reader advised against it. I'd like to, but my patent is pending. I'd like to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening. I'd like to, but my subconscious says no. I'd like to, but my uncle escaped again. I'd like to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky. I'd like to, but none of my socks match. I'd like to, but the Prime Minister said that he might drop in. I'd like to, but the grunion are running. I'd like to, but the last time I went, I never came back. I'd like to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned in. I'd like to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about. I'd like to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. I'd like to, but you know how we psychos are. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy. I'll burn my books. I'll have what the bloke on the floor is having... I'll never finish this tagline I'll never get off this planet. I'll turn over a new leaf. I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain. I'm a computer. I'm dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator. I'm a figment of my imagination. I'm a figment of your imagination. I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK. I'm a member of the International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves. I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate. I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me. I'm in shape... round's a shape, isn't it? I'm leaving my body to science fiction. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more! I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator". I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met... I'm normal; everybody else isn't. I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing. I'm not being selfish; I'm just thinking of myself. I'm not dead; I'm metabolically challenged. I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am. I'm not lost; I'm locationally challenged. I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not schizophrenic. It's this person beside me! I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. I'm sure that it's in the manual somewhere. I'm the person that your mother warned you about. I'm too sceptical to deny the possibility of anything. I'm writing a book... I've got the page numbers done. I've been there. I've bought some powdered water, but I'm at a loss as to what to add to it. I've come for an argument! I've given up reading books; I find that it takes my mind off myself. I've got 256K of RAM, so why can't I run Windows 3.1? I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called? I've got a very bad feeling about this. I've got two words for Van Gogh... 'Say what?' I've never been hurt by anything that I didn't say. I've only got twelve cards. I've used Basic so long, my brain has gonesub permanently I've won the lottery! ... oh ... must have dozed off there for a minute ... IBM: "I know! Let's hijack the term 'Personal Computer'." IC: Understanding as in 'Oh, IC'. Identify your visitor. Idleness is leisure gone to seed. Idleness is the holiday of fools. If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps. If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I save time, when do I get it back? If I send this, does that mean that you'll read it? If I want your opinion, I'll beat it from you. If I were you, who'd be me? If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times; resist hyperbole. If a bus stops at a bus station, does work stop at a workstation? If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. If a string has one end, it has another. If all of the world is a stage, then where does the audience sit? If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. If anything can go wrong, it will. If anything in government can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate. If at first you don't succeed - so much for sky-diving. If at first you don't succeed, blame somebody else. If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0. If at first you don't succeed, cheat. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool. If at first you don't succeed, hack. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If at first you don't succeed, stop; don't be a nut about success. If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. If at first you succeed, you have no idea what you're doing. If atheism is a religion, then bald is a hair colour. If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistics. If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something. If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks? If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry. If in doubt, make it sound convincing. If it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer. If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. If it happens, it must be possible. If it isn't broke, break it then charge for repair. If it isn't broken, don't fix it. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway. If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible. If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven. If it says "one size fits all," it won't. If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL! If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done. If it wasn't so cool outside today, it would be warmer. If it wasn't so warm outside today, it would be cooler. If it works, don't fix it. If it works, rip it apart and find out why. If it's important, it ends up either forgotten or lost. If it's not broken, let me take a crack at it. If it's stupid but it works, then it's not stupid. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If more than one person is responsible for a bug, no one is at fault. If no one uses it, there's a reason. If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If several things can go wrong, the worst one will. If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know that they'd been on holiday. If something is confidential, it will be left somewhere for all to see. If speed scares you, try Micro$oft Windows. If spilled, there is no such thing as 'a little water'. If the facts conform to the theory, the theory's wrong. If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of. If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then what's the opposite of "progress"? If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth. If the software fully complies with the spec, the spec will contain a bug. If the statement above was correct, you might be right. If there are only two competitors, to win is to come second last. If there are two programmes worth watching, they'll be on at the same time. If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time. If there is no wind, row. If there was a nuclear bombing, would I be alive to care? If there's one thing that I can't stand, it's intolerance. If things appear to be going better, you've overlooked something. If this is time-sharing, give me my share right now. It's not time yet. If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny. If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood. If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same? If we complicate things, they get less simple. If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. If we left the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy. If you aim to fail and succeed in doing so, have you really failed? If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Stop work and play! If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it. If you can put Windows 95 in RAM, you've got far too much memory. If you can put Windows 98 in RAM, you've got *far* too much memory. If you can read this, you're irrelevant. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. If you cannot convince them, confuse them. If you cast your bread upon the waters, it will return soggy. If you continually give you will continually have. If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? If you dilute other liquids with water, with what do you dilute water? If you do not change your direction, you may end up where you are headed. If you don't care where you are, then you are't lost. If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break. If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both. If you have a video recorder, there'll be three good programmes on at once. If you have nothing to say, please only say it once! If you help a friend in need, he's sure to remember you the next time. If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away. If you keep your mind open, people will throw lots of rubbish into it. If you know how to organise things, you will know how to enjoy them. If you know, you're a genius. If you answer, you're awesome. If you look just close enough, you can see anything you want. If you make a mistake, you right it immediately to the best of your ability. If you notice this notice, you'll notice this notice is not worth noticing. If you prepare for something that can go wrong, something else will instead. If you put it off for long enough, it might go away. If you really want to know, you won't ask me. If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it. If you sold hats, babies would be born without heads. If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you. If you suspect a man, don't employ him. If you think before you speak, the other person gets their joke in first. If you think this tagline is confusing, then change one pig. If you thought that today was bad, wait until you see what happens tomorrow. If you thought that yesterday was bad, wait until you see what happens today. If you treat people right, then they will treat you right - 90% of the time. If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it. If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick first. If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law. If you wish to succeed, consult three old people. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend. If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it. If you're given two contradictory orders, obey them both. If you're going to ask questions like that, I'll... er... do something. If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss. If your bread is stale, make toast. Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out. Ignore previous tagline. Illiterate? Write for a free brochure! Imagination is more important than knowledge. In a crisis, you will choose the worst possible course of action. In a hierarchical organisation, the higher the level, the greater confusion. In an organisation, each person rises to the level of his own incompetency. In any human endeavour, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In case of fire, yell "FIRE!" In charity there is no excess. In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present. In my end is my beginning. In nuclear warfare all men are cremated equal. In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. In order to be, never try to seem. In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it. In the event of nuclear attack, delete this message. In the stairway of life, you'd best take the lift. In theory, we live in the real world. In this tagline, the concluding three words 'were left out'. In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it. Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. Inconsonance is a problem with the vowels. Indeterminate number at line... er, um... about... er... Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies. Information is the inverse of entropy. Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress. Input: food, coffee, whisky, beer, aspirin, ... Insanity doesn't just run in my family; it practically gallops. Insanity is just a state of mind. Insert your card magnetic stripe down. Inside every large problem is a solution struggling to stay within. Inside every large problem, there is a small problem trying to get out. Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out. Integrity has no need for rules. Interesting C declaration: static electricity; Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service. Internal error: abort on caffeine fetch at &00C0FFEE Internal error: unspeakable in Cthulhu at &[R'lyeh] Internet going down for reboot in five minutes. Interrupt received from program - user terminated Invention: non-stick glue. Invention: powdered water. Invention: the solar-powered torch. Is it a game of chance? Not the way I play it. Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know? Is that lemon in your tea? No, s'lime. Is the increased web usage responsible for all of the spiders in my garden? Is there any recorded case in history where the majority was right? Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! Is this really happening? Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn... Is tomorrow *ever* going to arrive? It /is/ as bad as you think and they /are/ out to get you. It all comes down to treating others as you want to be treated. It always takes longer to get there than to get back. It could be worse - it might be raining. It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life. It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize. It is a simple task to make things complex, but complex to make them simple. It is a wise father that knows his own child. It is always the partner's fault. It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. It is bad luck to be superstitious. It is better to be brief than boring. It is better to be deceived by a friend than to suspect him. It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. It is better to have men ask why you have no statue than why you have one. It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future. It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys. It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end. It is easier to run down a hill than up one. It is easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem. It is easier to write an incorrect program than to understand a correct one. It is fatal to live too long. It is hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa. It is impossible to enjoy idling unless one has plenty of work to do. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. It is later than you think. It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. It is my firm belief that it's a mistake to hold firm beliefs. It is not every question that deserves an answer. It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit. It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion. It is the wise bird that builds its nest in a tree. It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure. It is your concern when your neighbour's wall is on fire. It just goes to show you, it's always something. It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. It seems to make a car driver mad if he misses you. It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. It won't work. It works better if you plug it in. It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home. It's a fine line between fishing & standing still It's a futile day in the neigh-Borg-hood... It's a great place, and the drinks are cold! It's a poor workman who blames his tools. It's all in the mind, you know. It's better to burn out than to fade away. It's clever, but is it art? It's far easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem. It's funny. You come to some place new and everything looks the same. It's hard to be humble when you're perfect. It's later than you think. It's not easy having a good time; even smiling makes my face ache. It's not in the manual... It's not nice to fool Mother Nature. It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things. It's not so much how we stand as the direction in which we're moving. It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. It's running like a scalded dog! It's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your monitor to explode. It's smart to pick your friends - but not to pieces. It's smart to pick your friends - but not your nose. It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten. It's the Borg! Quick, look useless... It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim! It's... Bicycle Repair Man! J Invalid I/O device, 0:1 Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. James Dean taught Marc Bolan to drive. Java. The elegant simplicity of C++; the blistering speed of SmallTalk. Jesus saves... passes to Moses... shoots... scores! Jimmy Hoffa - please call home. Join the group mind - become a Borg. Join=20the=20campaign=20against=20excessive=20use=20of=20MIME=2e Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it. Journeys begin with a single step, and a decision to take it. Jul qvq lbh obgure gb qrpbqr guvf? Just another inmate in this asylum... Just to have it is enough. Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in. Kazon of Borg: "" Keep emotionally active. Cater for your favourite neurosis. Keyboard failure. Think Space to continue. Kix are for trids. Klamath: Kludge Laden Architecture Mangled And Thoroughly Heatsinked. Knowledge is good. Knowledge is power. Knowledge without common sense is folly. LASER: Looking At Source Erases Retina LISP: To call a spade a thpade. LOTUS: Let Only The Users Suffer La Forge of Borg: "Come *on*, let's get that assimilation efficiency up." Laddie, ya think ya might like ta... rephrase that? Language: a system of organising and defining syntax errors. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives. Last yur I kudnt spel modjerater now I are won. Laugh when you can; cry when you must. Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either. Laugh? I nearly paid the poll tax... Law of Insurance and Taxes - Whatever goes up, stays up. Law stands mute in the midst of arms. Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old grey trunk. Lead on, MacDuff! Learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you. Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads. Learning without thought is labour lost; thought without learning perilous. Leave no stone unturned. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Lemon curry? Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you. Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. Let me see what happens when you roll your face on the keyboard. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Let the machine do the dirty work. Let's go and get a pizza! Let's organise this thing and take all the fun out of it. Lettuce prey fur whirled peas. Life is a game of bridge - and you've just been finessed. Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. Life is one long struggle in the dark. Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Life isn't easy for a Borg named Hugh. Life shouldn't be an endless repetition of stale successes. Life's like an onion; you peel off layer after layer, and find nothing in it. Life, don't talk to me about life. Life. Loathe it or ignore it; you can't like it. Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. Live every day like it's your last, because one day you'll be right. Live in the past and future only. Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. Living in the past has one thing in its favour - it's cheaper. Lock up a Pentium today! F0 0F C7 C8 Locutus 1-2-3 - a Borg spreadsheet program. Locutus of Borg: "Do you have any Earl Grey Tea?" Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence. Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught. Long life is in store for you. Look afar and see the end from the beginning. Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves. Look at all the Indians! - General Custer Look ere ye leap. Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find. Look! Over there!... Ha. Made you look. Look, Muth tracks! Look, sir! 'Droids! Lord, what fools these mortals be! Lost: one mind. Generous reward for the finder. Lots of coffee = well thought out messages = lots of visits to toilet. M$: "You will use Windows. Resistance is futile." M-O-O-N and that spells Corn Pops. Machines should work; people should think. Madness takes its toll - please have exact change ready. Make a decision based solely on money and you've made a bad decision. Make a wish, it might come true. Make headlines - use a corduroy pillow. Make input easy to proofread Make it right before you make it faster. Make me an offer. I have a computer to support. Make sure that all variables are initialised before use. Make sure that comments and code agree. Make sure that your code "does nothing" gracefully. Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert. Man and wife make one fool. Man is by nature a political animal. Man who bites bread or eats peas with knife is lost creature. Man who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet, many moons! Man who fall in blast furnace certain to feel overwrought. Man who fall in vat of molten optical glass make spectacle of self. Man will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted. Man will never fly. Space travel is merely a dream. All aspirin is alike. Man's horizons are bounded by his vision. Many a family tree needs trimming. Many a yo-yo think he have the world on a string. Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing. Many are called, few volunteer. Many are cold, but few are frozen. Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long. Many hands make light work. Many pages make a crowded castle. Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles on very thin paper. Many people are unenthusiastic about their work. Many people are unenthusiastic about your work. Many receive advice, few profit by it. Marvin of Borg - "Why stop assimilating now, just when I'm hating it..." Mathematicians practice absolute freedom. Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe. Matrimony is the root of all evil. Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. May you live in uninteresting times. Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. McBorgs, over half-billion assimilated. Me, indecisive? I don't think I am, do you? Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe. Measurements will always be in the wrong units - eg. furlongs per fortnight. Mediocre players sink to the level of their opposition. Meditation is not what you think. Memory is a thing with which we forget. Memory should be the starting point of the present. Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Message ends... engage coffee making mode. Micro$oft wrote a program which crashes Windows. It's called Windows. Microsoft software: Just Say No. Microsoft. Where Are You Going To Be Forced To Go Today? Millenium hand and shrimp! Minds, like parachutes, work only when open. Misfortune. Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting. Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure. Modem, said the gardener when he'd finished the lawn.. Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go. Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. Modulation in all things. Monday is the root of all evil. Money can't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy. Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots. Money is the root of all wealth. Money no longer talks - it just goes without saying. Money talks... but all mine ever says is "Goodbye!" Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places. Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously. Most of us have been at work for several hours now. Motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Move any faster and you'll break into a standstill. Mr Flibble says... "GAME OVER, BOYS!" Mr Jock, TV quiz PhD, bags few lynx. Mr. Worf, set phasers on spin dry. Multics is security spelled sideways. Multitasking causes schizophrenia... Mum's the word. Mumble. Murphy of Borg: If a thing can go wrong, you will be assimilated. Murphy was an optimist. Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. Music in the soul can be heard by the universe. Must I hold a candle to my shames? My brain hurts! My dog has no nose. My economy: hairline recession; waist inflation; deep depression. My foolish parents taught me to read and write. My hard disk is full! Maybe I'll try this message section thing. My haystack had no needle! My karma ran over my dogma. My mother is NEVER on time! - Worf My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. My other neighbour is quiet. My walk has become rather sillier of late. Nanu nanu! National security is in your hands - guard it well. Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. Nearly finished downloading that large archive... *click* NO CARRIER Necessity has no law. Necessity is the mother of invention. Negative expectations yield negative results. Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so. NetWare does not have bugs, it has "undocumented enhancements". Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon. Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. Never attribute to stupidity that which is adequately explained by malice. Never be first. Never be last. Never volunteer for anything. Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Never drink from your finger bowl; it contains only water. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never eat in a place with sliding doors unless you're crazy about raw fish. Never eat more than you can lift. Never give a gun to ducks. Never give an inch! Never have a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself. Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river. Never invest in anything that eats. Never let facts enter an argument. Never let opinions be clouded by fact. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. Never promise more than you can perform. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely. Never put off until tomorrow what you can wriggle out of today. Never replicate a successful experiment. Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!" Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him. Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own. Never take a beer to a job interview. Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. Never throw a bird at a dragon. Never trust a man who, left alone in a room with a tea cosy, won't try it on. Never try to outstare a fish. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and bothers the pig. Never use a lift in a building which has been hit by a nuclear bomb. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F-101. New strain of system-trashing virus: Windows. Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity. Nice Borg. Gooood Borg. Urk! Nice people get sick. Nihilism doesn't exist. No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. No analysis is a complete failure - it can always serve as a bad example. No artist sees reality. If he did, he wouldn't be an artist. No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep. No directory. No experiment is reproducible. No good deed goes unpunished. No it isn't! No language can exist in which it is not easy to write bad programs. No man is rich enough to buy back his past. No matter how much you do, it'll never be enough. No matter how much you idiot-proof your program, along comes a bigger idiot. No matter how much you know, you'll never know enough. No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right. No matter what goes wrong, there's always somebody who knew it would. No matter what happens, there's always somebody who knew it would. No matter what they tell you, it's not the whole truth. No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money. No molehill is so big that a mountain can't be made out of it. No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. No one can put you down without your full cooperation. No one knows what he can do till he tries. No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars. No one within an organisation really knows what's going on. No poems can please nor live long that are written by water drinkers. No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances. No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere. No sentence fragments. Noah! Come quick! There's water in the basement! Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody's perfect. Therefore, since I'm a nobody, it follows that I'm perfect. None of you people exist. My sysop types all of this stuff in. Normality will be resumed just as soon as we're sure what's normal anyway. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious. Not all who own a harp are harpers. Not breaking the rules - just testing the elasticity... Nothing astonishes man so much as common sense and plain dealing. Nothing cures insomnia like the realisation that it's time to get up. Nothing endures but change. Nothing ever goes as planned. Nothing ever goes away. Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent. Nothing is as useless as a general maxim. Nothing is but what is not. Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example. Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. Nothing is ever built on schedule or within budget. Nothing is ever done for the right reasons. Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done. Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Nothing is skinnier than nothing. Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known. Nothing succeeds like excess. Nothing will ever happen to you. Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature. Now remember, rebooting your brain can be tricky. Now where did I put that fire extinguisher? OK, we'll meet the meat. That's cool. OS/2? Where's the other half? Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. Of course I'm mad. How else do you think that I stay sane? Oh my! Another kludge! Oh no not again. That Holodeck is always breaking down. - Picard. Oh no, not another learning experience! Oh this age! How tasteless and ill-bred it is. Oh wearisome condition of humanity! Born under one law, to another bound. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Oh, I couldn't afford a whole new brain. Oi! You! Off this tagline. I stole it first! Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. Old McDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O. Old age is better than the alternative. Old age is the harbour of all ills. Old computers make new ones look good. Old men give good advice when they're no longer able to provide bad examples. Old programmers never die, they just become managers. Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit. Old soldiers never die. Young ones do. On a clear disk you can seek forever. On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place. On the other hand... you have five different fingers. On the way to the corner, a dropped tool will land on your foot. Once a can of worms is opened, the only way to recan them is in a bigger can. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled. Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it. Once you understand your computer, it is obsolete. One Bell System - it sometimes works. One Bell System - it works. One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing. One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed. One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words. One good turn deserves another. One good turn gets the whole blanket. One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. One of its legs is both the same. One person's is another's . One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below. One picture is worth more than ten thousand words. One way to better your lot is to do a lot better... One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life. One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. Only a fool has no doubts. Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles. Only fools are quoted. Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn. Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens. Our OS which art in ROM, RISC OS be thy name... Our Standard: Exellence; Our Goal: Perfection; Reality: Murphy. Our necessities are few, but our wants are endless. Our swords shall play the orators for us. Out of the frying pan and into the Pentium. Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! Overload - core meltdown sequence initiated. P-K4. PC card not responding (probably running Windows) PC voice recognition software: "Format C: return". "Yes, return". PCs... loathe them or ignore them, you can't like them... PURGE COMPLETE. Palindrome isn't one. Panic: can't find rm -rf * Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you. Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. Parent: "Don't you understand English?" Honest child: "No, not fully!" Parsley is gharsley. Part-time musicians are semiconductors. Password: Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. Patch griefs with proverbs. Patience is the best remedy for every trouble. Pause for storage relocation. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains. Peanut butter. Pentium of Borg: "Division is futile. You will be approximated." Pentium: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru' Inadequate Understanding of Maths. People are always available for work in the past tense. People are perfect; their implementations aren't. People humiliating a salami! People who are grateful are usually good. People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent. People who can most afford to pay rent build equity. People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle. People who think that they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do. People will buy anything that's one to a customer. People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit. People with no faults are terrible; there's no way to take advantage of them. Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle that they burned Rome. Pessimist - half empty; optimist - half full; engineer - wrong size glass. Pets just die on you. Where's the fun in that? Philosophy: n. Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems. Photographer of Borg: "Say 'Resistance is futile.' You will be photographed." Picard: "It's not a human, dammit! It's a Borg!" Pipe gives wise man time to think and fool something to stick in mouth. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. Planet 98% full. Delete politicians? (Y/y) Plasma is another matter. Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week. Play electronic games? You have too much time on your hands. Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. Please go away. Please log off... NOW! Please recycle this tagline. Once is not enough. Please take cash. Please tell me if you don't get this message. Please think when you drink... Please update your programs. Pop Tarts. Perhaps the most disgusting thing that you can put in a toaster. Positive expectations yield negative results. Pound forehead on keyboard to continue. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Power corrupts. Absolute power is fun... Power cut at a department store; 20 people were trapped on the escalators. Power is poison. Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. Practically everything is easier to get into than to get out of. Practice yourself what you preach. Praise the sea; on shore remain. Preserve the atmosphere. Stop breathing. Preserve the old, but know the new. President/VicePresident is undefined. Cannot divide by zero. Press SPACE or click mouse to continue Pressure is the normal force acting upon an engineer. Prevent security leaks. Printer paper is always strongest at the perforations. Proceed with caution - twisted mind under construction. Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. Procrastination rules tomorrow. Procrastination should never be left until tomorrow. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the maintainer. Programmers don't sleep - they just park their heads. Programs are perfect; their implementations aren't. Progress is made on alternate Fridays. Progress is replacing a theory that's wrong with one more subtly wrong. Projects are hard to start and easy to leave unfinished. Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword. Pronounce your prepositions, damn it! Proofread very carefully to see if you any words out. Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others. Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. Prototype designs always work. Prune juice. A warrior's drink. Prune yoghurt. For that "get up and go" feeling. Pssst... the root password is 'kumquat'. Psst! Hey look, there's a really great tagline over there... Public schools are the nurseries of all vice and immorality. Pull yourself together; things are not all that bad. Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen. Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. Put people on hold when possible. Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth. Put your genius into your life. Put only your talent into your work. Put your trust in those who are worthy. Pythagoras of Borg: "Distance is irrelevant." Q: "Beautiful story. Kinda gets you right *here*." Qba'g obgure qrpbqvat guvf. Quack! Quantised Revision of Murphy's Law: Everything goes wrong all at once. Quantity is a substitute for quality, but only when counting lines of code. Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it's the only one we've got. Quick! Close your mind! Something might get in... Quick! Stop that feature! R Tape loading error, 0:1 RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure! RAM: Rarely Adequate Memory. RANDOMIZE USR 0 RO4 easter egg: E3A00002 E28F1004 E3A02000 EF00001E 55515249 736C6974 00 Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down... Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity. Rank has its privileges. Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own. Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience. Real Programmers aren't scared of GOTOs, but they prefer absolute branches. Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. One around at 9am was up all night. Reality - what a concept! Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. Reality is for people who can't handle computers. Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction. Reality is something invented to keep the non-computer people happy. Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it. Recent investments will yield a slight profit. Reduce brain fat. Eat moral fibre. Regardless of how much patience I may have, I'd prefer not to use any of it. Rehumanise yourself! Remember to say hello to your bank teller. Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU. Remember, Unix on some machines is nUxi. Remembering is for those who have forgotten. Remington. Shaves as close as a blade or we send the boys round. Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function. Reputation is what others are not thinking about you. Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. Resist everything but temptation. Resistance is futile (if < .0001 Ohm). Rest assured that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. Retribution will be yours. Retrocomputing: the cheesier the machine, the more desirable it is. Riches cover a multitude of woes. Right... now where's that coffee... Rome was not built in one day. Rotten wood cannot be carved - Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9) Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish. Run away! Run for your life! S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . . Safety is better than the wrong answer. Salary is no object: strive only to keep body and soul apart. Salvation is only a beer bottle away... Sane? Hell, if I was sane why would I be here? Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone. Satire is what closes in New Haven. Save gas, don't eat beans. Save gas, don't use the shell. Save often, disk crash; save at finish, power cut. Save the red squirrel. Shoot the grey. Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds! Say the secret woid and the duck is yours. Schedules are optimistic. Scotty, I've fallen and I can't beam up! Scotty: "Damage control is easy. Reading Klingon, that's hard." Scotty: "It's comin' apart, lad!" Screenwriters apply character personalities like Post-It notes. Sculpture: mud pies that endure. Seafood diet: see food, eat it. Second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. Second-rate people hire third-rate people. Security is the individual's responsibility. Security is your responsibility. See that LCD game, that's your VGA monitor, that is See that ZX81, that's your 486 DX66, that is. See that abacus, that's your hard drive, that is. See that buzzer, that's your sound card, that is. See that megaphone, that's your modem, that is. See that slate, that's your keyboard, that is. See that snail, that's your clock speed, that is. Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come. Seen on an examination paper: THIS IS A BLANK PAGE. Sega and Nintendo are combining. They call it Windows 2000. Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow. Sell short. Set phasers on tickle! Set the cart before the horse. She sells cshs by the cshore. Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down! Byte, byte, byte! Shine on, you crazy diamond! Shoot your program and put it out of its memory! Short circuits have no reason to live. Show me a sane man and I'll cure him for you. Show respect for age. Drink good scotch for a change. Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art. Sign up now for the summarising Proust competition! Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex. Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace! Since you're going to die anyway, can we use you as a shield? Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable. Slam a revolving door today! Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands & goes to work. Sleep is just a poor substitute for caffeine. Small change can often be found under seat cushions. Small things make base men proud. Smash forehead against keyboard to continue... Smell like fish? It's a dish. Smell cologne, leave it alone. Smile - it makes people wonder what you're thinking. Smile - tomorrow will be worse. Smile, but sharpen your knives. Smile, tomorrow will be worse. Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to. Smoke no peaches. Smokey the Borg: "Only *you* can prevent futility." Snow & adolescence are the only problems that go away if ignored long enough. So many idiots... too few flame-throwers... So many lawyers, so few bullets. So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way. So you're back. Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being. Society's a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it'll kick and throw you off. Some men are discovered; others are found out. Some men are wise - some are otherwise. Some minds should be cultivated, others ploughed under... Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane. Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing. Some people have a way with words, and some people, er, thingy. Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall. Some things have to be believed to be seen. Somebody, somewhere, is watching Star Trek. Somehow, somewhere along the line, this town lost its pride. Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust. Someone is speaking well of you. Someone is speaking well of you. How unusual! Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. Someone will try to honk your nose today. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark. Sometimes you just have to say 'What the heck' Sooner or later, the worst is bound to occur. Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur. Sorry officer, I thought the amber light meant "accelerate very quickly". Sorry, I forgot all about the amnesia conference... Sorry, computer foul-up! Sorry, fresh out of taglines. I'm awaiting a new batch any day now. Sorry, the Borg assimilated my mail packet. Sorry. Nice try. Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors. Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear. Spillages are attracted to clean surfaces. Spock of Borg: "Assimilation is the only logical choice." Spock: "We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain." Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion. Standard - excellence. Goal - perfection. Reality - Murphy. Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down. Star Trek XXVII - The Search for Shatner's Teeth. Starkle starkle little twink. What the hell are you I think? Start slow and taper off. State farm? Guard dogs? Statistics are no substitute for judgement. Statistics are used as a drunk uses lamp posts - support, not illumination. Stay away from flying saucers today. Stay fit, eat well, die anyway. Stealing is illegal. Our government hates the competition! Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language. Stop it, stop it, far too silly, far too silly... Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. Stop that! It's silly! Stop work and play for once! Strike while the iron is hot. Strive to look tremendously important. Stuff taxidermy. Sturgeon's Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud. Success is a journey, not a destination. Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring. Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence. Support your local church. Worship at the Bank of England. Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones. Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs. Survival of the species is everyone's business. Sweet April showers do spring May flowers. Sylvester of Borg: "Birds are irrelevant." Sylvester of Borg: "Succotash is irrelevant." Syntax is another name for conscience money. System checkpoint complete. System error. Press F13 to continue. System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing. System maintenance about to begin. System restarting, wait. Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. Tact is the ability to stay in the middle without getting caught there. Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking. Tagline of Borg: "Your tagline has been assimilated." Taglines borrowed and recycled here. Give generously... Taglines that make you go "Hmmm..." Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. Take care of the pennies and the Inland Revenue will take care of the rest. Take my advice, I'm not using it right now. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors. Take what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Talkers are no good doers. Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank. Tanstaafl. Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government. Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame somebody else. Television is so dull that children are doing their homework. Ten million years, and the Vogons arrive with five minutes to go... Thank you for observing all safety precautions. That is a two part question ... That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. That that is is not that that is not. That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee. That wouldn't be cricket. That would certainly set a cat amongst the bridges before they hatch. That's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic. That's what she said. The Borg Collective - an Equal Opportunities Assimilator. The Borg Express Card: "Assimilation has its privileges." The Borg assimilated me and all I got was this t-shirt. The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this t-shirt. The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this tagline. The Borg: calm, cool and collective... The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Air Force doesn't. The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Army doesn't. The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Coast Guard doesn't. The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Navy doesn't. The Bozos are coming. The Cheshire Cat had a cheesy grin. The Eternal Triangle is usually right tangled. The Green Midget Cafe, Bromley. Home to Spam and occasional Viking hordes. The Government spins faster than your hard drive spins its platters. The Government spins faster than the fastest CD-ROM drive can spin a disc. The Last Borg Scout. Starring Patrick Stewart as Locutus. The Micro$oft Optimised Keyboard has only three keys: Ctrl, Alt and Delete. The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi. The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad. The Whispered Rule: People will believe anything if you whisper it. The Windows Experience: "Oh no, not *again*..." The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power. The adverb always follows the verb. The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office. The amount to be done increases in proportion to the amount completed. The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive. The basis of optimism is sheer terror. The best prophet of the future is the past. The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. The better part of valour is discretion. The bigger the theory, the better. The biological waste matter impacts on the gaseous kinetic energy injector. The brain works from birth until you stand up to speak in public. The bugs in your program are unfixable in the time it takes to fix them. The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used. The chance of disk failure is directly proportional to the value of the data. The chaos in the universe is always increasing. The coast was clear. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. The current death rate? One per person, of course. The days of the digital watch are numbered. The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous. The descent to Hades is the same from every place. The die is cast. The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer. The disks are getting full; purge a file today. The door is the key. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The early worm gets the bird. The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier. The effect of lots of alcohol is staggering. The end of labour is to gain leisure. The famous politician was trying to save both his faces. The fashion wears out more apparel than the man. The finest eloquence is that which gets things done. The first myth of management is that it exists. The first place to look for something is the last place you'd expect it in. The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. The following statement is not true. The future is like the present, only longer. The future is not what it used to be. (It never was.) The future isn't what it used to be. The future lies ahead. The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep. The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness. The good news: Micro$oft to be broken up. The bad news: into only two pieces. The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake. The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none. The greatest remedy for anger is delay. The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the roll. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. The idle mind knows not what it is that it wants. The important thing is not to stop questioning. The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. The larger the empire, the smaller the minds behind it. The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it. The last place that you look is where you'll find it. The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away. The life which is unexamined is not worth living. The light at the end of the tunnel is probably a train coming towards you. The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon. The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate. The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others. The man who has never been flogged has never been taught. The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas. The man who runs may fight again. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of who to blame it on. The mark of a true professional is giving more than you get. The meek shall inherit the earth. They are too weak to refuse. The million to one chance - nine times out of ten. The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't. The moon is made of green cheese. The more general the title of a course, the less you learn from it. The more the merrier. The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again. The most harmful error in your program has not yet been discovered. The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise. The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing. The most spectacular crashes are reserved for the silliest mistakes. The name is Borg. James Borg. The next six days are dangerous. The obvious answer is always overlooked. The one who snores will fall asleep first. The one you want is never the one on sale. The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. The only rose without thorns is friendship. The only thing constant is change. The only thing funnier than how things don't work out is how they do. The only thing that God didn't do to Job was give him a computer. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement. The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. The only way to make something foolproof is to keep it away from fools. The other queue moves faster. The packaging said "Windows 98 or better", so I installed Linux. The packaging said "Windows 98 or better", so I used RISC OS. The pen is mightier than the pencil. The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home. The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes. The price of greatness is responsibility. The probability of forgetting something is directly proportional to, er... The problem with spaghetti is the whiplash. The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. The queue you've just joined slows down. The queue you've just left speeds up. The reader of this tagline only exists while you are reading it. The ripest fruit falls first. The road to Hades is easy to travel. The road to hell is paved with NAND gates. The road to success is under construction... The second most important item on my shopping list, after coffee, iszzz... The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends. The show isn't over 'till the fat lady sings. The smallest worm will turn being trodden on. The smoker you drink, the player you get. The solution is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader. The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. The spot you're scrubbing is always on the other side of the glass. The star of riches is shining upon you. The status quo could well be as it was before. The stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available. The surest way to be late is to have plenty of time. The theory is supported as long as funding is available. The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction. The time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing season approaches. The time is right to make new friends. The time remaining until project completion tends towards a constant. The truth is a virus... The two great tragedies in life: not getting what one wants and getting it. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. The ultimate mail reader is here! The universe has been replaced by one even more bizarre and inexplicable. The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang. The universe is laughing behind your back. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me. The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes. The wise don't merely stalk their prey, they make the kill. The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS! The world isn't worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better. The world wants to be deceived. The worst form of failure is the failure to try. The worst thing about censorship is ##########. The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience. Then you must be Don Francisco's sister! Theory means that you have ideas. Theology means that ideas have you. There Is A Cabal. There are liars, damned liars, and politicians. There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labour. There are more old drunkards than old doctors. There are more ways into the woods than out. There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. There are my opinions and there are wrong opinions. There are no answers, only cross references. There are no giant crabs in here, Frank. There are taglines that mention the word 'umbrella' for no apparent reason. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet... two clarinets. There are two ways to write bug-free code; only the third way works. There is a bear following you around. There is a fly on your Dimension! There is always an easier way to do it. There is always one more bug. There is always someone worse off than yourself. There is always something new out of Africa. There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong. There is an exception to all laws. There is an exception to every rule, except this one. There is an exception to every rule. There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting. There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you. There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it again. There is news. There is no "A" in "KERNEL"! There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk. There is no gravity. The earth sucks! There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften. There is no heavier burden than a great potential. There is no royal road to geometry. There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity. There is no such thing as a little garlic. There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it. There is no time like the pleasant. There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing. There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh. There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance. There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of all proportion. There is only one way to kill capitalism - by taxes, taxes, and more taxes. There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong. There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go. There's more of the past every second. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to try again. There's no lift to success. You have to take the stairs. There's no such thing as a free lunch. There's nothing quite so wonderful as money. There's nothing wrong with insanity: it's the sane people I'm worried about. There's small choice in rotten apples. These aren't my boxers - they bend! They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps. They just buzzed and buzzed... and buzzed. They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas! Things are not always what they seem. Things are not as bad as they seem. They're worse. Things have been making an unnerving amount of sense recently. Things past redress and now with me past care. Things will be brighter tonight. A policeman will shine a light in your face. Things won't get any better, so get used to it. Things work better when plugged in. Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click". Thinly sliced cabbage. This is a good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase. This is a tagline mirror>